whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

Yeah it's no big deal....

[He rubs the back of his neck, his portion stays sort of semi-spread on the table next to a half-constructed model kit he was working on. It's Spider-Man climbing up the side of a building.]

You didn't have to.

[Yeah. Yeah he did. How else would he know how many other assholes are getting the Freddy Newendyke treatment.]

I wanted to be sure that we're ready.

[More we. Larry sets the box down on Freddy's bed. He's not laying on it, or even sitting on it. Since it went down being in the same room seems like it's been enough.]

Freddy, I gotta ask. What are you trying to figure out?

[If only he was aware of Larry's other motive for procuring the rubbers. He's a cop sure but when it comes to Lawrence Dimick sometimes he overlooks certain gestures.]

What do you mean?

You said that you wanted to sleep with other people and figure out yourself... what about yourself did you need to figure out?

[There are twelve. That should be enough to start. He may give up that secret, not yet though. There's more he wants to know right now.]

It ain't because I don't satisfy you or that I don't make you happy.

[Now he'll stop there to let the kid step on in. Maybe.]

[What did the limey say, Newendyke? Think hard. Think really hard. Freddy's brow furrows, he's got to avert his gaze a moment.]

I guess...I guess that's the thing, man. I don't know. [Swallow. Puff. He puts his cigarette out.]

When I was with girls I didn't do shit because that's not the thing to do, you know? I wanted to be the right kind of guy. Well I'm not into girls anymore, never was, I'm still getting my head around what I do now...

[It sounds so stupid, he thinks to himself.]

If you don't know what you're lookin' for how do you know you'll even find it?

[There are so many other things to discover. Good and bad. Freddy could find out that he enjoys sleeping around. That could be his lot in life. What then? The old man could get tired of sowing wild oats and it undoes the whole mutual exploration.

Marlboro is in the air mixing with the smell of plastic figures and a hint of what might be glue.]

Have we moved too fast?

I gotta try, right.

[He very well could find out it's his lot in life to be a promiscuous man but better now than somewhere farther down the line, right...? Does Larry believe he can prevent that from coming out period? Does Freddy believe he's perfect as he is and won't change into someone not to Larry's liking? He withstood learning the man is a cop but not without consequences to the kid's face.]

What's too fast? [It's a hard question to voice because part of Orange thinks maybe.]

I don't know or else I'd tell you.

[Larry rubs his chin and mouth. Honesty where are you? He's been ready to take Freddy as he is first as a newbie criminal, then as a cop and now as his man.]

Being exclusive, living together...all that at once. Was that more than what you wanted?

[This could all be the old man's fault as much as the kids offering up too much of himself, too much stability and greedy to take all he can. Try to be a man Dimick.]

All this time you've seemed so sure.

[So...happy. Except for when its come down to having no toucan. Having no job. Now he's got a job. The gears are still turning.]

[Oh shit he's getting right into it oh shit. Freddy swallows and looks away.]

No man...I like it. I want this. [He waves a hand at his room to signify their home.] Maybe I'm not real sweet sometimes and I laugh at Pretty Woman but I... [Say it, Newendyke, if you can't say it to Larry who can you talk to? Look at his fingers flex.]

...I like this set up. I want a home and fancy dinners out. I want to sit on the couch watching shit movies together. I like that stuff.

[Freddy's a fool for love no matter how tough and devil may give a damn he wants to act.] You came around and gave it to me, I never saw that coming.

We did it together.

[After jail, after Bobby after the asshole that had him waiting for so long only to be fully committed to his wife and kids he wasn't sure he could be a settle down sort of faggot. Or even as a straight man, it was him and the Bonnie at the time on the road. That's not a settled life and hardly a home.]

I didn't see it coming neither. Just knew that I wanted to stick with you.

[Shit, Dimmy are you going to get clingy so damn soon? Nothing's started yet.]

Kid, I just--[don't know how I'll take it.]

[It's hard for Freddy to think of Larry as someone who didn't have it together before. He's always seemed so sure-footed, from the day they met, after he was shot, and his resolve shook but never crumbled even after he gunned down an old friend for him. He may not have thought himself a settle down sort of fag but Lawrence Dimick plays the part beautifully. His Marlon Brando act's got Freddy convinced.]

Larry I wanna understand who I am, what I am, so you have a man who has it together, who knows what he's all about.

[You're thinking it, Newendyke, if you're thinking it then you have to say it.] Sometimes--sometimes I think I don't know what you're all about either...I don't think you really want to do this, then you go out and bring back the condoms. [He's holding his tongue now, not wanting to approach that incident even though it's shouting out in his mind, did Larry see himself being capable of cracking Freddy's face on his fist? This isn't about that, but it's a glaring example of a contradiction Freddy has yet to fully understand and accept his role in it.]

I really like you, I like you a lot, Larry. [I love you] I don't know anything outside of that.

[Larry's the one called Two Guns but those words can hit him straight on.]

I don't [want to do this at all] ...know how I'm gonna be knowing that I'll be sharing you with other people.

[Waiting at home or at work wondering if he's free to roam about the streets. Shit what a double standard, this is a ticket to ride for him too.]

I wanna make you happy. I don't wanna lose you. Fuck, we've given up enough on both sides to turn tail. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this together.

[Than to have the kid resent him, or have him decide to go exploring on his own end up meeting someone who fully endorses the lifestyle and so ends the tale of White and Orange.

Larry thumbs the side of his nose. Would it kill the kid to use the L word? He didn't say it when they brought it up. He's not saying it now.]

[Those words make him look back up at Larry. Already Freddy's stepping forward because this part, this really means a lot to him. It's important because he's thought about it too and he never wants it to be the basis for their friendship, for this...whatever it is they have. He's reaching for those paws.]

Larry, I don't ever want you thinkin' I stick with you because you took care of me when I came on or you held me when I got shot or because I feel guilty you made a choice between me and everyone else. [Joe.] I don't stick with you because you gave up a lot for me or because I feel guilty I'm a cop. I told you because it's the right thing to do.

[Because he loves and respects Lawrence Dimick as a man. As a lover, a partner, a better half, that's different. It can't be divorced from this but he'll be damned if what he feels for Larry is a ball and chain locked onto his own guilt.]

[Hands together, big thick fingers curling around slim and freckled ones. Mighty hard to keep a steady gaze listening and hearing good.]

Would you let me know if it ends up that what ever you find ain't us? I can take it man. I can tell you what I want until I'm fucking blue in the face and it won't make it more true until it's true to you.

[The old man is a but busting with interchanging blows of relief, of remorse and of plain confusion. He wants to call the whole thing off and pretend they never started this jaunt unto the unknown. That'd be great but it wasn't his idea. This isn't all about him anymore. It's about them and where they'll be. If it's not gonna be left behind, it's gonna be moving along with progress.

Larry sighs and tilts his head forward to lightly brush against Freddy's if he's near enough. There might be a pretty sharp smell of dye. It's touched up again. That might have been four months since he fixed it last.]

I'd tell you anything, Larry.

[Sometimes that's a problem too, Freddy just can't keep his mouth shut and let things be as they are. Forehead to forehead he can smell the color and briefly wonders just how fresh is it? Before or after Larry realized he might get to play with tits again or might lose Freddy to his own curiosity? Not that it matters too much, with his last remark the kid already knows where the old man stands. He doesn't want Freddy to do this at all. It's something he's taking into consideration, privately.]

If you get tired, you'll tell me.

[Tired of what, does Orange have to explain? It should be obvious.]

You don't get it, do you? I don't wanna call it quits.

[Tired of Freddy means tired of this. It's a down spiral into the shitter. He may not want this opportunity but here it is. The hair dye was to help him feel more with it, more put together. Look younger if his age was coming into factors of consideration for...anything.]

...are you trying to put me through the wringer? You'll have to do better than that.

[Clenched paws and jaws won't let up.]

[There's that goddamn sure-footed certainty again. Larry's so fucking determined about wanting Freddy, about wanting this, like without it there's nothing else he could do that could ever come close. Not even Alabama. How the fuck does a man come to a conclusion like that? Why can't Freddy come close in his own conviction? He knows for certain he wants Lawrence Dimick, he can't say with certainty they'll last. For someone who advocated living in the present and not giving two fucks about ramifications this is a big deal to Orange, because it's the first time he's ever wanted ever after and it's the first time it's ever come within reach. He doesn't want to build the wrong foundation, he doesn't want to put in weak cornerstones, and he's deathly afraid once it's gone he can never be happy again.]

No...

[Maybe. Eames called him out on using Larry's feelings for him as a safety net, if that's the case the net is firmly bolted in place anyway because the old man can't make those feelings go away. The kid shakes his head, slow and quiet, then without another word he purses his lips to press a kiss against Larry's mouth.]

[It could be about stubbornness. That's a start. The other thought going on through is head was after knowing a may for so short of a time, seeing what a powerful hold he can grip on the old man it's gotta mean something. That kind of shit doesn't happen every day with every one. Freddy's not the only one getting the feeling that after this there may not be someone else.

Lawrence Dimick is going to be fifty years old. How many starts and stops are allowed after that? He doesn't want to know. The safety net is firm. God, if you even exist don't go having him play a fool.

Lip to lip, it feels like someone's poured water over a hot pan. Soothing and scalding all at once. His mouth gives under Freddy's stretching it out.]

No seconds. No dancing. [It's murmured against his mouth before going back for more.]

[That's better. That's more like it. Already the kid feels a little less heavy. Feeling the old man's mouth move under his, with his, not away from his, he doesn't believe he's quite gone and wrecked everything.]

I don't dance with just anybody.

[And to prove it, Freddy starts to sway to an imaginary tune, freckled hands still entwined with large paws.]

[No kisses. No dates. There is also now way to feel reassurance then the kid's own words. What kind of words would turn the whole situation on its head? Life doesn't make it easy to find the rewind.]

I mean it.

[About the dancing as he is pulled into the lazy sway. Hell, he means it about everything he's said. Right now he feels like Kenny (damn how long has it been since he thought of him?) wide eyed and full of questions. His brand of calm was probably just more confusion like everyone else.

It'd be great to feel nothing right and just...think.]

I know you do, Larry.

[Another kiss to his mouth. Why do you want to go through with that when you have this right here, Newendyke? The more time he spends talking to Larry about it, just being with him, the more Freddy feels like it would be a stupid mistake no matter how much he wants to 'find himself' just to be a better man. Why is that so necessary to you, Newendyke? He knows the answer and it's kind of selfish compared to this old man's unconditional resolve.]

[Freddy Newendyke isn't a goddamn butterfly you let go and hope it comes back. He's trying to think of it as letting a dog run wild in the park before heading home, calm and happy as a clam.

He lightly shuts his eyes. There's something more he needs to say, needs to make sure of.]

Just men?

[Lips move on the corner of Freddy's. Resting there and breathing in the nicotine flavor he breathes on out, his tongue slipping out now and then to dip into the corner. Maybe he'll drag him into a deeper kiss.]

[Well Newendyke you knew this part was coming too. Hand in hand still, mouth grazing mouth. He presses close to Larry.]

Just for me.

[Not for you, Dimmy. If there's one thing Freddy can't and won't be for you, it's a woman. He has no desire to and that's why he's not opposed to Larry bedding one. Having a girlfriend though...he doesn't want that at all. Maybe you should talk about it instead of internalizing it, Newendyke. Rather than offer more words though, he's drawing that tongue in for another deep kiss.]

[Well. Don't be too surprised, Dimick. The kid knows how you are. Part of him hoped that there'd be a request for just women. Fat chance. It's about being open to screwing around. Just not open. Larry's slowly pulling back, taking Freddy with him so he can sit on his bed. Gonna take a seat, kid?]

What will you tell them when they wanna see you again? When they want you to stay the night?

[What will he say when they discover that he's taken? Who is gonna preach to him?]

[Suddenly he wants to tell Larry to stop asking questions because the more he thinks about it the more it sounds like rules are becoming limits that'll render the whole thing pointless. He may as well not bother with it and stay home. Maybe that's the point, Newendyke.]

I'll tell'em I'm not that kind of guy.

[There he goes, going along with the line of questioning anyway. He takes a seat next to Larry, then ever so slowly halfway on Larry.] I'd tell them from the start, don't expect me to stay.

But I ain't no madman.

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