whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

Why didn't you tell me? Why did you want to get back together so soon?

[When it looks like he wasn't ready for that if this is happening now? His mouth is gaping like a fish. He thought that the shocks to come on out of Freddy after he revealed he was a cop would be tame. Looks like he thought damn wrong.]

What was I supposed to tell you? That I'm too chicken shit and fuckin' confused to go out and 'get it'?

[He needs to slip off Larry's lap so he can actually look at the guy now. Why did he want to get back together so soon? Did the old man already forget?] You told me you loved me. I told you I'm a fucking cop.

[You know what happened next, Dimmy.] I found you fucking coked up. I didn't wanna lose you.

[How did it get from not so good to fucking worse so fast?]

I don't know. Would have been something to say before right now if you've had this going on so long.

[Breathe Dimick. Just fucking breathe. He's now off of the bed. Damn his mouth still feels warm from Freddy's except that moments gone.]

Lose me to what, Freddy? Somebody else? Coke?

[It was rocky and rough but they found a way on back to what seemed like easy street. Now it looks like that was a detour over places they still need to go.]

[Freddy's staring at Larry now, really staring. His brow furrows. Don't say it, Newendyke, you're going to regret it. But it needs to be said.]

I was takin' care of you. [Pointing at him.] I still had feelings for you. [Still do.] I didn't wanna leave you on your own. But did you really think I should have kept dating out with my face looking like a sack of fuckin' bricks?

[More pointing. He's hurt.] You fucked me when I was still recovering, you fucked me without protection. Did you think it would've been that easy for me to say no?

You could have [voice raising like the hurt he thought he was feeling before] chose to live on your own. You had friends that wanted a roommate. Shit, maybe pushed me off onto then since I'm so much of a fucking hassle.

[A thick finger that was holding onto his moments ago is now pointing right on back.]

You could have said no every fucking step of the way and you didn't. It was your birthday and you said you wanted to lose the condom. There ain't nobody making you do anything but yourself.

[He's got half a mind to walk right out of this room, out of this apartment. Where the fuck would you go, old man.]

[What? Nothing about the beatdown? Not a single word? Not even some brief acceptance that maybe it scarred the kid more than he wants to let on? To an extent he's only now, a whole year later, willing to acknowledge? Maybe that has nothing to do with them as lovers at all and Freddy's only using it as justification for his own weak convictions. Is that possible? After enduring what he did just for his mission anything's possible. That everything up to now is his fault is possible. Freddy swallows a hard sore feeling in his throat.]

I want to move out.

[The words come out rushed like he's not even sure he really wanted to say them, but there they are.]

Are you fucking serious? Freddy, what the fuck do you want? Do you want to stay? Do you want to go out there and get fucked? Do you want to fucking live alone?

[It's enough to drive a body crazy. At first the old man's thinking that this is all just one pitch after another to get him to reach a boiling point he never knew he had. Both paws are in the air and it strikes him to the core that his anger may get the best of him.

Again.

Larry rakes both hands through his own hair.]

Goddammit, fuck this! Fuck you! Good luck, man. Nobody'll wail on you like I did. Won't that be great?

[He's stepping on out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Fat good that does since he's stomping into his room.]

[His expression shows doubt, clearly and woefully, but he doesn't take it back. He can't take it back. Larry said it himself, there's no one making him do anything but himself. He can't say 'yes' and go along with it hoping for the best, wanting that ever after, anymore. That's not how it works. This proved it. What started out as his assistance in someone else's budding relationship has snowballs into the decimation of his own. Maybe it was bound to happen, who knows. Freddy has nothing to say to Larry now because if he says a single word it'll end with 'take me back' already. Like the old man asked, why did he want to get back together so soon? That won't happen again. He winces when Larry slams the door hard enough to rattle. Then without another word or whimper, Freddy starts packing a bag.]

But I ain't no madman.

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