whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

[Caramel green eyes lock on the old man now, listening to every single word. Older, from the future, shot in the face, Larry left for dead. That's not a future this Freddy can accept. And yet...]

Was he happy?

[The impulse and bury this like a guilty bone in the yard is tremendous. Could the moment of silence stretch any longer as he licks his dry lips. His tongue feels dry too.]

He and the wife, they weren't working out.

[Calling the man with Freddy's eyes and height makes it a little easier to talk about.]

...So he had to go find his jollies in other places.

[Hands up.] Okay that's enough. I don't wanna know the rest.

[There are some things about the future Freddy prefers to just not hear. Maybe if he never hears about it then the seed'll never be planted and he'll not turn out to be such a scathing piece of shit. Now to tell the old man his secret or not? Hm.]

That's not you.

[Paws reach out to grip his hands.]

Baby, it was so fucking strange. So damn angry.

[Go on, Dimick. Keep going.]

I tried to get him to understand you and me. [And? Larry sighs and keeps a hold of his hands.]

[Oh God Larry's doing that thing he does when he wants to unload all these feelings. Freddy owes it to him to tell him what he knows, at the very least. Freckled fingers turn to take hold of those gripping paws.]

I know. I know what...who showed up.

[Wide brown eyes stare at him now.]

You saw him? You met him?

[Oh fuck what would he do if Freddy were to do harm to himself. Hold on, now. Hold on and just listen.]

No no I didn't meet him. Shit man I was out, I don't remember a fuckin' thing from Saturday. I just...

[Now it's his turn to avert his gaze because all this time he let Larry carry that guilt.] Someone told me I was around, but different. That's all.

He wanted to be left alone. It pissed him off that I called him kid and--I dunno. Felt like everything I did just made him angrier.

[The two of them are perfect for each other this way. Fucked up and trying to tell what truths and when.]

Eventually we came on back to the apartment. I missed you so fucking much.

[Do you get it now kid? How he rushed that plan with their third wheel? This nice cabin is still worth it hopefully. He's still holding onto both hands in case he tries to turn away. There's more to tell but already he's getting the feeling that Freddy's about full and finished on this subject. It's his fucking birthday.]

I don't want to be like that, Larry.

[Angry. Unhappy. All the good things like this cabin and these presents and his man gone. But truth be told he doesn't think that Freddy was always such a bad man...what kind of bad man leaves a gift for his younger self? That's what scares the kid most though, how he could become him if everything's pulled from his fingertips. Twenty-eight now compared to the other Freddy Newendyke's...whatever age it was, much older, he doesn't want to fuck up so bad.]

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I knew.

You're already pretty fucking different.

[It's not that funny but he laughs and smiles. How different they are from one another is worth laughing and smiling about.]

I don't blame you. [For keeping something back, in the grand scheme of things Freddy has held back worse.] I should have tried to tell you sooner rather than today...

[Trying to ruin things.]

I guess. I wouldn't know, I didn't meet the guy, but I'll take your word for it.

[He gives the old man a little smile, somewhat sheepish still for holding it back even though he thinks in the end it was a better idea to give Larry the chance to tell him on his own anyway.]

You got me. I didn't shoot you. We got this. [Day. This situation they're still working out with days better than others.]

He doesn't.

[Bite the bullet, Dimmy.]

We fucked. I wrapped up for it, trying to be like any other notch in the bedpost.

............. [Oh. Freddy quirks a brow.] S'that why you waited to tell me?

[This isn't a trick question, Lawrence Dimick, honest.]

Yeah. Yeah it is. [Ahem.] I wanted to tell the whole truth.

[Because that is important. Honesty is tough shit, they're tougher than that.]

...Was he any good?

[Another question that's no trick. He wants to know if the older version of him had a body Larry could still find desirable, ability and attitude to match. Part of him doesn't want to know, thinks it's selfish to bother at all, but Lawrence Dimick did fuck him. He's entitled to having some curiosity satisfied...right? After all, it's Freddy's birthday.]

There was something cold about it. Like it was rough, rushed....must have been the norm for him.

[Difficult question that he must navigate the best he can.]

He knew how to take it.

[Leaning forward for a better look at that face and prominent nose.]

It wasn't like fucking you, baby. And I'm not saying that because of the condom. [There's always something right there between them. The old man's not mooney enough to forget what it's like to fuck someone you don't love. But that was different all together.]

Okay.

[He nods. Freddy knows he ought to get mad, ought not to let Larry off so easy, but he can't wrap his mind around an older version of himself, devoid of all the change this very man has helped to bring out. Why did he fuck him? Was it to see if there was a trace of the younger Freddy left? Was it to see if maybe the older one could find it in his heart to love him? Shit all these unfair questions...because Freddy would do the same had it been the other way around. He's sure of it.]

It's okay, Larry. [He nods.] I hope he's alright.

[It's strange to talk about himself like that but it's a genuine sentiment, and speaking like he's a completely separate human being makes the kid feel better, like he'll never turn out that way. But only time will tell.]

[Watching his face this close he's looking for tells that would let him know that he's going to get hit, or that this is not going to end up well. That is what most people get when they with hold truths. They have gone at it before because of that.

Larry was digging for meaning. Could it have been that their brief brush with one another mended a wound in that man? Sex isn't match, not by any stretch. The most he hoped for was a connection, some sort of proof that with age Freddy would still want him.]

Me too. [One paw now tries for another touch, pulling back his hair. This is where he's at. ]

[Caramel green eyes half-lid for the pull through his hair. It's a comforting gesture, the weight of his hand on the kid. If that other version of him had had this from the start maybe he wouldn't have been so angry. They'll never know.]

If anything like that happens to you, I'll let you know.

[Freddy Newendyke promises, leaning in until they're forehead to forehead.]

[They're so close now that the only other place for his arms to be are around this man.]

Thanks. [And Freddy can take as long as he wants to tell him the details.]

But I got a feeling it was one of those one time things, lightning doesn't strike twice.

[Thunder only happens when it's raining.]

Edited 2011-12-23 10:24 (UTC)

Never say fuckin' never.

[Because once upon a time a cop thought he would never fall so hard for a criminal. Freddy leans in just enough to then tilt his head and press his mouth to Larry's.]

[Older Freddy wouldn't do that. He had to be trampled on, made to do it like it was some dirty act. Hell, Dimick it still is. Their own world wouldn't be so indifferent as this place if they walked on down the street the way they did.]

What should I say then.

[Before he falls on into that mouth again and doesn't want to come back out.]

Wish me a good twenty-eight years.

[There. He'll acknowledge the actual occasion. Larry probably knows as much as a kid he can be Freddy's never been one for making a big deal out of his birthday. Must be something to do with always having his birthday eclipsed by Christmas. But with this old man that's not the case at all.]

I wish you the best twenty-eight years a fella could have.

[Mouth moves on his nose, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his jaw.]

And then some.

[Meaning that they gotta have more champagne. And get real warm and cozy.]

Like the rug?

Thanks, it's been pretty crazy. Maybe I'll make it to thirty.

[Questioning his own (im)mortality is just a joke. He'd like to make it to thirty, to forty, to an age where he can say with pride this is my kid and maybe even this is his pop. Just dreams though, far off fantasies that need no sharing when he's only twenty-eight. Freddy tilts his head to shape against Larry's mouth.]

I do. Too bad we can't take it home. It's pretty classy.

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