whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

Hah hah hah. [Tapping his smoke in a similar fashion.] The wildest thing you get out in California is a coyote with rabies. You gotta go to the backwoods for a bobcat.

['Backwoods' he says, when he means the forest and the mountains.]

No moose poppin' its big fuckin' head through the kitchen window. [That's how he imagines Wisconsin yep.]

Coyote seems wild enough for me. Don't they have raccoons? I'd count those as pretty wild.

[Maybe there are foxes when you can find em. An arm settles around Freddy. Yeah, nice and comfortable like.]

It's usually too cold to go on leaving your window open. They stick around the yard. If you leave them be they won't do any harm. Just big ol' lugs.

[Cold he says, unlike the warmth he manages to keep just huddling next to Larry. It feels good for being stuck up a tree with wild beasts down below.]

Sure, a couple raccoons. They're like big rats, same with possums. They aren't wild, they're locals. What about bears?

I don't recall seeing that many possums.

[Then again, Dimmy stays to the cities for the most part.]

Bears come on out now and then. They aren't as dumb as moose. If they wander out they're looking for grub.

[Not this bear. He's happily full. Say, is it just him or did they pick the Cadillac of trees. Sturdy enough and reasonably comfortable. For a tree.]

Moose are more common. It's like they don't need a reason.

They're in and out like fuckin' thieves.

[No offense, Mr. White. Tap tap of ash, oh this cigarette is finished. He can either put it out on the tree or drop it down and hope for the best. Hm.]

You feed any?

[You're not supposed to feed them, he knows. Okay out on the tree it goes. No fire so far. Freddy's unaware how putting his hand over here is the perfect bridge for something to hitch a ride on his sleeve.]

They gotta be. Living in urban areas and all, animals gotta make due.

[No offense taken but he can empathize a degree or five.]

Feed any moose? No. Heh. That'd invite em back which is just plain asking for trouble.

[He doesn't think much on that bridge of a setting the kid's arm is at. The old man can't help it. He's gonna yawn.]

[That's a hint of an animal lover in Lawrence Dimick, at least animals that aren't house cats. Panthers, tigers, lions, those beasts are respectable in his book, so Freddy gathers from personal experience. The climbing wildcat never did him wrong, it's an excellent anchor.]

I meant the bears. You get those antlers stuck in some clothesline and you're home free, but bears? Shit I don't know if I could handfeed one of those bastards.

[Who isn't named Mr. White anyway. Hey check out the new visitor on the kid who is completely unaware that a giant fucking spider has decided to perch on his shoulder.]

[Right you are. Maybe it's also because they're not people. You can never tell with people.]

I wouldn't. No way.

[Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuckity fuck. Larry has to blink several times before he decides that he is actually seeing it.]

Baby. Stay still.

[One solid hand on the kid. The other is now committed to batting off the huge spider....if such a thing can happen.]

[Uh. Okay. Freddy stills himself without looking all over the place for why. That would defeat the purpose of staying still--OHHHHHHH FUCK HE CAN SEE THE LEGS OUT THE CORNER OF HIS EYE.]

Laaaarrrryyyyyyyy.

[The fuck, that was his perch you bastard. The spider tries weaving away from that paw, ultimately crawling on Freddy more to do it until it loses its grip due to thick fingers getting in the way. Down it goes, bouncing right off a croc who cares not for spider meals. Skitter.]

Holy shit what the fuck is going on holy shit.

[Breathe Newendyke breathe. SNAP! The emu looking creature pecks the spider out of the sand and gobbles.]

I gotcha, man.

[He hopes. One evasion, two. Third time is the charm. By then Larry loses his patience for his own worry of getting chomped by furry, spidery fangs and it pays off big time.]

It's off. It's off tough guy.

[Big arms go around him to also make sure that that spider didn't bring a friend.]

Fucking giant gators, giant birds, giant spiders.

[Have they noticed this also includes the tree? It is big for a beach tree. The kid doesn't protest being held like this either, it just feels right. Also safe. Also not fucking hijacked by bugs, if one gets hijacked they'll get hijacked together. It's only right.]

Okay. On three...I drop the coat, you make a break for it.

[The coat came about a few times prior. It was something that should stick. The day is wearing on and staying in a tree is for the birds, spiders and god knows what else. Not this Orange or Mr. White.]

I'll come after and cover you. If my coat doesn't get em, then I'll drop yours.

Okay man. Okay. I can do this. You can do this. We can do this.

[Freddy chants to himself for encouragement. Yes, the most encouraging. Huff huff huff puff huff.]

You better come on down after me. [He's not going to leave Larry up in a tree alone.]

You got it.

[Shaking, stretching. He's already sore as fuck trying to sleep up among the branches.]

I'm not gonna let you down there without back up.

[Okay so. This is it. Gun at his waistband, coats at hand.]

Okay man. We'll be at the car in no time.

[Huff huff huff puff huff. He's got a gun ready too but it's going to play second to his instinct to just fucking run.]

Okay. On the count of three.

One.

[Coat up. Larry is half crouched. The majority of is weight is braced against the tree trunk since both arms are going to be needed.]

Two.

[Gulp. The heat of the day and wind off of the sure has really made it difficult to get a sense of time. Thirst and hunger really make it seem as though it's been days.]

[Before the count of three Freddy leans over to capture Larry's mouth in his for the deepest kiss he can manage while stuck up in a fucking tree surrounded by dinosaurs and dinobirds.]

[Deep enough for a Dimick. Who knows how in the hell they get into these messes. Who truly cares. The old man would rather be in it with Freddy than anyone else. Slick slip of tongue against tongue before he makes himself pull back.]

You're gonna get it later, man.

[Mmphh that's a mouthful. So much so that when they pull back from each other there's the thinnest string of saliva breaking between them. Is that a promise to finish what they started prior to an invasion of prehistoric looking bastards? Sounds like. Orange just narrows his eyes a little in acceptance.]

Three.

[Throw the coat down old man cause this kid is jumping for the dirt.]

[That's the number. Coat on the ground. Larry makes for the other and has his handgun ready.]

Careful!

[That's only two expensive coats. Oh fucking well. Small price to pay for freedom.]

[HISSSSS! This croc knows a meal coming down when it feels it. It whips its head in Freddy's direction and snaps on a coat instead. Run run run Newendyke. Those dinobirds don't quite know what to make of this scene yet.]

Get down here man!

[Now or never as the King is known to sing. Larry drops more heavy then he means to. Yikes! A hissing dinosaur of a snout is coming his way.]

Go. Fucking go!

[Because he's right behind. The cool breeze is a harsh contrast to the hot sweat on him. Oh damn there's another terrible bird. Larry fires his gun at the sand. The bang alone does cause a feather ruffle and it sends small grains flying. Hey, another distraction.]

Look at the fucking feet on those fuckers!

[Freddy fires a warning shot too, using the noise to herd the beasts anywhere but towards them. For big lightning fast ambushers the crocs aren't exactly marathon runners. The moment the walking meals are just too far to be worth their while the crocs decide to go back to basking. Lazy fucks.]

I'll look. Keep going.

[If Freddy can make that at all. The old man is the back up. This way and that way. While the crocs are weary the birds are perturbed. A few more shots though and it looks as though they're wearing down.]

Almost!

[Their is their car. Holy shit, is that a ticket for over night parking on the windshield? Larry's not even worried about that. ]

[The fuck. Really? Really? Huff puff puff huff. Freddy's got his hands on his knees, semi-bent over to catch his breath.]

That's....bullshit.... [Wheeze.]

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