whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

[I want to.

No Newendyke don't tell him that it's giving in so fucking easily. Just look at him standing there in his suit, pouring his heart out, being so fucking vulnerable for such a big man. Freddy doesn't doubt with the right (wrong) words and right (wrong) actions he could rip Larry's heart out. He doesn't want to do that at all. He's stopped walking to with part of his back to the old man, body only partially turned towards him.]

I ain't a fortune teller, Larry.

Maybe. [Because for fucksake he wants to keep seeing Lawrence Dimick.]

Right.

[Nodding like a bobble head on a dashboard. He's not a palm reader either.]

I know you've got shit to figure out. [Instead of abusing his own mouth with his tongue this time he rubs it, trying to make his own thoughts more clear, more honest.] I gotta respect that. You deserve to do it undisturbed.

[Not like last time, all tore up by paws and dashed by his addictions.]

What about you? You don't got anything else to figure out?

[He turns to look at Larry fully now.] You can't tell me you'd take me back right here right now. Would you?

[Not a trick question, honestly.]

[He would. Right now. And somehow that makes him feel like a bigger idiot than he already is. It wouldn't do anyone good, especially Freddy. How healthy is that? Who the fuck does that?]

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I gotta check myself on how I wanna be from here on out.

[Jealous. Rough. Friend murdering.]

It's easy, you know, to keep on rolling and not look back. That's the way I've been almost all my life. And that ain't right.

[If they weren't trapped here, he would have jumped states.]

Yeah...I get that. [Freddy nods, lips wet again.] Look, I like you, I like you a lot.

[He sets a hand on the old man's broad shoulder.] ...I respect you, and I care about you, Larry. [Pause. This takes some guts to bring it out.] I love you, as a friend, as somethin' more than that. No matter what I'd have your back.

[The kid's doing his best to tell him that his love for the old man doesn't stop because they're trying to understand themselves in their own corners.]

[There's that word in all it's burning, beaming glory. He reaches up to touch that hand, who cares. They're alone. Night has fallen.]

I love you. That's not gonna quit or change.

[The last time they even remotely talked like this, Larry asked if Freddy was trying to put him through the wringer. Maybe he had it wrong, maybe it's the old man holding him back.]

You can still turn to me if you need me.

[To protect or defend, help him treat his wounds if he wants.]

[Oh fuck now it's Freddy Newendyke's heart that's racing. All the things he wanted confirmed, the reality of it, tempts him to just fucking crash right into those thick arms. Forget this ever happened. Just go back to being the way they were. No Newendyke, you're not in a goddamn fairytale, it don't work that way.]

Thanks, Larry.

[Freckled fingers turn to squeeze thick knuckled ones. Then without a second thought he leans up to kiss the old man, mouth to mouth. Lips pressed shut but firm.]

[A touch could have satisfied him for days. Larry lightly shuts his eyes and carefully puts his arms on the body standing so close to him. Close lipped is no less of a kiss and he wills himself to behave. How long can they stay close together because he'll milk it for all he's worth without trying to drag it on. Don't blame him, Freddy. He's addicted to you. Feeling brave and surprisingly better he pulls back slowly.]

We'll be in touch.

[It's not dating. This is a break with no promise of reunion besides sticking around. Paws come off of their resting place one by one. Freddy's his own man, not to be clutched on.]

[God being held like this feels so good. Larry's not the only one fighting his own temptation to keep it, to rush head on once more. Not tonight, Newendyke, at least one more night. Freddy's not sure if he could make it.]

Okay.

[Softly spoken followed by a nod. Then the inevitable separation. Orange wills himself to take a half-step back.] I'll see you around.

[Will that be enough to keep Larry from packing up his stuff?]

[Get back now or you'll lose all the ground you've covered. One step, then another of his own. There's the slightest tang of Marlboro on his lips. It's not enough. It never has been, and likely will never be enough of Mr. Orange for him. Larry puts a hand in his own pocket. He's not the sort to wave so he smooths down his tie.]

G'night, kid.

[He's got a motel room to go back to, things to think over more so than ever. And if no answers come he can at least get a better night's sleep.]

But I ain't no madman.

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