whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

Hah hah hah.

[Freddy 'laughs' then gives Larry's side a little push. Actually that was plenty funny, smart ribbing at their expense. The kid appreciates it.]

So.What should we do?

[The old man is really laughing until that push. It was kind of unexpected. Watch him grip on the tree for dear life for a moment. That was unpleasant. Okay, he's good now.]

Wait. Talk.

[Smoke. He's going for a Chesterfield because it looks as though they're going to be here awhile.]

Michigan state has a mascot that's an eagle even though their initials are EMU.

[Hey now he didn't push that hard. Maybe Freddy just doesn't know his own strength hah. Now though he's got to look at the old man curiously.]

Bullshit.

[Time to get a Marlboro out and also get comfortable.]

[It was a case of not being ready. A shift of weight when you're a build like the old bear can make a difference.]

I'm telling you the truth. That's how I know what an emu looks like. Lost fifty bucks.

[He sets up his lighter to ignite Freddy's smoke.]

[Freddy leans in to puff then huff before leaning back to relax right into this conversation. In a tree. Surrounded by crocodiles and a mean looking emu with dinosaur feet. Nothing doing.]

Here I was thinking you went to the zoo and took notes. Bet it would've been cheaper.

Live and learn.

[Shrug. Despite the conditions the old man grins a little.]

I don't really open up too many books, you know.

[Except for ones of cowboys and the old west. The reading is for the newspaper too. Larry leans on the trunk slowly. He's inviting closer company.]

Shit. I can't even think about the last time I've been to a zoo. I mean, down there is close enough.

Does the county fair count?

[Getting comfortable the way he is, closer company is accepted with a careful lean to put their weight on the sturdiest part of the branch.]

Don't you have moose and bears and shit in Wisconsin?

Nah. It's the county fair! If you ask me, it's even better. They only got the best looking sorta farm animals and oddities in the same place as delicious barbecue.

[Sturdy branches are the only branches they'll be on together right now.]

Sure do last I checked. Why?

[Puff.]

....Cause. That's wildlife. The kind you'd find in a zoo.

[To a cityslicker like Freddy Newendyke even when one counts his growing up in middle California.]

They got trashcans at amusement parks. Does that mean that they're really special?

[Ash is carried by the wind. It's strong enough to keep the fire hazard to a minimum even for being in a tree. Larry just has to hold out his cigarette.]

Once you stick around and see em all the time, it's not so wild or special. Wait long enough and you see em for free.

Hah hah hah. [Tapping his smoke in a similar fashion.] The wildest thing you get out in California is a coyote with rabies. You gotta go to the backwoods for a bobcat.

['Backwoods' he says, when he means the forest and the mountains.]

No moose poppin' its big fuckin' head through the kitchen window. [That's how he imagines Wisconsin yep.]

Coyote seems wild enough for me. Don't they have raccoons? I'd count those as pretty wild.

[Maybe there are foxes when you can find em. An arm settles around Freddy. Yeah, nice and comfortable like.]

It's usually too cold to go on leaving your window open. They stick around the yard. If you leave them be they won't do any harm. Just big ol' lugs.

[Cold he says, unlike the warmth he manages to keep just huddling next to Larry. It feels good for being stuck up a tree with wild beasts down below.]

Sure, a couple raccoons. They're like big rats, same with possums. They aren't wild, they're locals. What about bears?

I don't recall seeing that many possums.

[Then again, Dimmy stays to the cities for the most part.]

Bears come on out now and then. They aren't as dumb as moose. If they wander out they're looking for grub.

[Not this bear. He's happily full. Say, is it just him or did they pick the Cadillac of trees. Sturdy enough and reasonably comfortable. For a tree.]

Moose are more common. It's like they don't need a reason.

They're in and out like fuckin' thieves.

[No offense, Mr. White. Tap tap of ash, oh this cigarette is finished. He can either put it out on the tree or drop it down and hope for the best. Hm.]

You feed any?

[You're not supposed to feed them, he knows. Okay out on the tree it goes. No fire so far. Freddy's unaware how putting his hand over here is the perfect bridge for something to hitch a ride on his sleeve.]

They gotta be. Living in urban areas and all, animals gotta make due.

[No offense taken but he can empathize a degree or five.]

Feed any moose? No. Heh. That'd invite em back which is just plain asking for trouble.

[He doesn't think much on that bridge of a setting the kid's arm is at. The old man can't help it. He's gonna yawn.]

[That's a hint of an animal lover in Lawrence Dimick, at least animals that aren't house cats. Panthers, tigers, lions, those beasts are respectable in his book, so Freddy gathers from personal experience. The climbing wildcat never did him wrong, it's an excellent anchor.]

I meant the bears. You get those antlers stuck in some clothesline and you're home free, but bears? Shit I don't know if I could handfeed one of those bastards.

[Who isn't named Mr. White anyway. Hey check out the new visitor on the kid who is completely unaware that a giant fucking spider has decided to perch on his shoulder.]

[Right you are. Maybe it's also because they're not people. You can never tell with people.]

I wouldn't. No way.

[Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuckity fuck. Larry has to blink several times before he decides that he is actually seeing it.]

Baby. Stay still.

[One solid hand on the kid. The other is now committed to batting off the huge spider....if such a thing can happen.]

[Uh. Okay. Freddy stills himself without looking all over the place for why. That would defeat the purpose of staying still--OHHHHHHH FUCK HE CAN SEE THE LEGS OUT THE CORNER OF HIS EYE.]

Laaaarrrryyyyyyyy.

[The fuck, that was his perch you bastard. The spider tries weaving away from that paw, ultimately crawling on Freddy more to do it until it loses its grip due to thick fingers getting in the way. Down it goes, bouncing right off a croc who cares not for spider meals. Skitter.]

Holy shit what the fuck is going on holy shit.

[Breathe Newendyke breathe. SNAP! The emu looking creature pecks the spider out of the sand and gobbles.]

I gotcha, man.

[He hopes. One evasion, two. Third time is the charm. By then Larry loses his patience for his own worry of getting chomped by furry, spidery fangs and it pays off big time.]

It's off. It's off tough guy.

[Big arms go around him to also make sure that that spider didn't bring a friend.]

Fucking giant gators, giant birds, giant spiders.

[Have they noticed this also includes the tree? It is big for a beach tree. The kid doesn't protest being held like this either, it just feels right. Also safe. Also not fucking hijacked by bugs, if one gets hijacked they'll get hijacked together. It's only right.]

Okay. On three...I drop the coat, you make a break for it.

[The coat came about a few times prior. It was something that should stick. The day is wearing on and staying in a tree is for the birds, spiders and god knows what else. Not this Orange or Mr. White.]

I'll come after and cover you. If my coat doesn't get em, then I'll drop yours.

Okay man. Okay. I can do this. You can do this. We can do this.

[Freddy chants to himself for encouragement. Yes, the most encouraging. Huff huff huff puff huff.]

You better come on down after me. [He's not going to leave Larry up in a tree alone.]

You got it.

[Shaking, stretching. He's already sore as fuck trying to sleep up among the branches.]

I'm not gonna let you down there without back up.

[Okay so. This is it. Gun at his waistband, coats at hand.]

Okay man. We'll be at the car in no time.

[Huff huff huff puff huff. He's got a gun ready too but it's going to play second to his instinct to just fucking run.]

Okay. On the count of three.

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