whitetwoguns | But I ain't no madman.

[These are not the kinds of strained grunts and groans he was hoping to make right now. Just as he finally pulls the majority of his weight up onto the branch he can feel snapping at his heels. Holy fuck.]

Higher. Quick.

[In case they try to do the same. Can gators climb trees? It's enough they're on land.]

It's a--it's a big fucking bird. Smaller than an ostrich. [Huff puff.]

Have you ever seen a blue emu?

[Huff huff puff. Higher now. Higher and on a much sturdier branch. Freddy's sidling close to Larry, almost in his lap.]

Jesus where the fuck did they come from?

I've only ever seen one. It was a picture.

[Small useless facts right now. Fuck don't look down. Larry happily takes a good hold on Freddy.]

Beats the fuck outta me. I think we would have noticed if they'd have been there while we were walking around.

[Verbal foreplay and all. Huff. He's taking out a handkerchief to wipe his face and holstering his gun for now.]

You think they can smell horny?

[Freddy proposes like it might be a genuine suggestion. He's clinging like a damn koala, though so far Larry's the only bear in the tree. Oh god are the crocodiles actually settling in around the tree for the night? Fuck that. And fuck the bird who keeps prowling the perimeter.]

They're working together, man. They're fucking working together.

Fuck. I dunno. Could be.

[Unsettling notion as it may be. They were getting hot and heavy then boom wild animals attack. Larry passes his handkerchief to Freddy in case he wants to clean up some.]

We gotta just wait.

[Because it looks like they're not budging. He shakes his head.]

Damn.

[Can they even fuck in a tree? Spoiled moment times a million.]

[What is he supposed to do with a handkerchief? Throw it at the crocs? Lucky for Larry Freddy does no such thing, he just holds onto the piece of cloth.]

This is fucking ridiculous.

[Oh he should probably button his shirt and pants back up. The kid got dressed in nicer clothes for dinner too. At least they're well fed, unlike the animals.]

[What? Gosh kid. Does the old bear teach u anything? It is to wipe the sweat and sand off of your skin. Sheesh. Grooming might be the only comfort.]

They're bound to get bored.

[Here, he will demonstrate while Freddy quits letting it all hang out. Now he will try and look decent.]

....or we can shoot em.

You think bullets work on dinosaurs?

[Freddy asks while getting cleaned up, made decent, it's like the most natural thing in the world.]

I dunno. They bleed don't they?

[Okay so preening is an excuse for touching. Not that they need those anymore. Larry folds up his handkerchief even though it is looking far more rough for the wear along with the rest of them. Clothing is oh so disposable though.]

Let's wait some. If I miss it might rile em even more.

[Sigh. He looks down at the critters far below.]

...this wasn't what I was thinking when I said it could be a wild night.

I don't wanna shoot something that ain't goin' after somebody.

[Who's going to counsel him over it if it dies a slow sad death? The LAPD psychologist isn't on hand. Sigh. Another look down and he shakes his head at the old man.]

Gators and big fuckin' birds are a little too kinky for me, sorry.

[That's a joke for you, Larry Dimick.]

Hey. You were there, they went after us!

[And were saved by a tree. Lucky bastards they are. Truly though the old man would hold no bones for killing an animal that tried to do em in, especially if it tried first. What are gators or killer birds? The bird he could maybe understand. A killer bird of their own had more tact.]

The gorilla is late. Sue me.

Hah hah hah.

[Freddy 'laughs' then gives Larry's side a little push. Actually that was plenty funny, smart ribbing at their expense. The kid appreciates it.]

So.What should we do?

[The old man is really laughing until that push. It was kind of unexpected. Watch him grip on the tree for dear life for a moment. That was unpleasant. Okay, he's good now.]

Wait. Talk.

[Smoke. He's going for a Chesterfield because it looks as though they're going to be here awhile.]

Michigan state has a mascot that's an eagle even though their initials are EMU.

[Hey now he didn't push that hard. Maybe Freddy just doesn't know his own strength hah. Now though he's got to look at the old man curiously.]

Bullshit.

[Time to get a Marlboro out and also get comfortable.]

[It was a case of not being ready. A shift of weight when you're a build like the old bear can make a difference.]

I'm telling you the truth. That's how I know what an emu looks like. Lost fifty bucks.

[He sets up his lighter to ignite Freddy's smoke.]

[Freddy leans in to puff then huff before leaning back to relax right into this conversation. In a tree. Surrounded by crocodiles and a mean looking emu with dinosaur feet. Nothing doing.]

Here I was thinking you went to the zoo and took notes. Bet it would've been cheaper.

Live and learn.

[Shrug. Despite the conditions the old man grins a little.]

I don't really open up too many books, you know.

[Except for ones of cowboys and the old west. The reading is for the newspaper too. Larry leans on the trunk slowly. He's inviting closer company.]

Shit. I can't even think about the last time I've been to a zoo. I mean, down there is close enough.

Does the county fair count?

[Getting comfortable the way he is, closer company is accepted with a careful lean to put their weight on the sturdiest part of the branch.]

Don't you have moose and bears and shit in Wisconsin?

Nah. It's the county fair! If you ask me, it's even better. They only got the best looking sorta farm animals and oddities in the same place as delicious barbecue.

[Sturdy branches are the only branches they'll be on together right now.]

Sure do last I checked. Why?

[Puff.]

....Cause. That's wildlife. The kind you'd find in a zoo.

[To a cityslicker like Freddy Newendyke even when one counts his growing up in middle California.]

They got trashcans at amusement parks. Does that mean that they're really special?

[Ash is carried by the wind. It's strong enough to keep the fire hazard to a minimum even for being in a tree. Larry just has to hold out his cigarette.]

Once you stick around and see em all the time, it's not so wild or special. Wait long enough and you see em for free.

Hah hah hah. [Tapping his smoke in a similar fashion.] The wildest thing you get out in California is a coyote with rabies. You gotta go to the backwoods for a bobcat.

['Backwoods' he says, when he means the forest and the mountains.]

No moose poppin' its big fuckin' head through the kitchen window. [That's how he imagines Wisconsin yep.]

Coyote seems wild enough for me. Don't they have raccoons? I'd count those as pretty wild.

[Maybe there are foxes when you can find em. An arm settles around Freddy. Yeah, nice and comfortable like.]

It's usually too cold to go on leaving your window open. They stick around the yard. If you leave them be they won't do any harm. Just big ol' lugs.

[Cold he says, unlike the warmth he manages to keep just huddling next to Larry. It feels good for being stuck up a tree with wild beasts down below.]

Sure, a couple raccoons. They're like big rats, same with possums. They aren't wild, they're locals. What about bears?

I don't recall seeing that many possums.

[Then again, Dimmy stays to the cities for the most part.]

Bears come on out now and then. They aren't as dumb as moose. If they wander out they're looking for grub.

[Not this bear. He's happily full. Say, is it just him or did they pick the Cadillac of trees. Sturdy enough and reasonably comfortable. For a tree.]

Moose are more common. It's like they don't need a reason.

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